The hover text kind of sounds like a spell you might cast in Harry Potter. “Polygamous fandom.” Alternatively, this term could refer to someone who isn’t satisfied with one spouse. Instead, they are satisfied by a number. Looking out for number one. It’s the loneliest number, if not a magic one. This is not a real curse, unlike “Imperio,” which has similar effects. As such, it’s also a lot more awkward in public. I don’t know if the announcement is more awkward than its failure.

Have you ever spent a few hours staring at a book? This usually happens at the most sophisticated levels of reading or their opposite. I, like myself and others, have fond memories speeding through The Goblet of Fire instantaneously. At light speed, the fastest words could enter pupils. As a student of the word, reading was yet witchcraft. But I’m talking about a different kind of magical book and a more advanced chapter.
195-2mIn college, the establishment I attended after finishing high school, I spent many days ogling my epistemology text. I really wanted to get into the ontological spirit. A sense of the essence. Those were days, if not the days. They eventually turned into nights or vice versa. I studied intently, but idly. My hope was that by using the concentration normally earmarked for reading, I’d understand. I would be able to move the book with my mind, if not my mind with the book.k24aeImagine banging your head against a wall, if not a book. It’s like trying to unlock doors with the wrong keys. Nerve-jangling. If I could just open that lock, I wouldn’t even have to open the book. Now, most people would say this is inefficient procrastinating. But think about how important it would be if I actually accomplished something! I’m not sure if I ever finished that class. After I failed to move the book, I realized it was time to move on, if not fail the class.meme___lazy_seniorNumerous efforts inspired burnout. Tired and tired of being tired, I left. Upon revival, my experience instilled greater influence by empiricists like David Hume in lieu of mistaken mystics. If not Hume, then whom? Daniel Home (“Hume”), unrelated to David. Also Scottish. The only thing he had in common with magic is J.K. Rowling owns a home in Edinburgh. I bring him up because I think he’s Edgar Cayce. In fact, he’s not. Mistaken mystics.resized_burnout-meme-generator-but-officer-the-sign-instructed-me-to-do-a-burnout-039517Edgar could read books in his sleep. I don’t mean he could read euphemistically, but that in sleeping imagine them. This guy judged books by covers. Overnight oversight. Under the sheets and over the spine. On some level, everybody does. It’s the literary marketing. Unnaturally, however, Cayce had another thing up his sleeve and on the mind. Every time his cranium fell on a jacket, he knew it off the top of his head. Front to back, whether back to front.Edgar_1943(1)moI’m not sure books had covers, anyway. Reading used to be so simple! According to his father, Cayce was “the greatest fellow in the world when he’s asleep.” Imagine things he might accomplish if always asleep. Obviously, this appealed to the procrastinator in me, if not me. As an insomniac, however, I enjoyed minimal slumber. The difference between my bed and a power nap compares to dial-up vs. broadband. It wasn’t a bad connection, it just wasn’t.15968Everybody gets tired of sleeping. It takes effort to relax. You can only count backwards so many times. The Land of Nod is less 0 to 60 and more 60 to 0. It’s like going from A to Z in reverse. Too fast and you’ll just skip the entire alphabet. Maybe that’s actually a sobriety test. I get tired thinking about it, but not doing it. The Zs are especially trying. Dial-up is also like my connection to God, for which I must blame the service provider. On another level, Edgar studied his Bible annually.29260-fry-cant-sleep-meme-Dc6yThis was “to reconcile his Christian beliefs with the metaphysical information” envisioned. I hadn’t completed it even in the sense of a bad concept album where you pick favorites at random. I’m talking about a Facebook album. Jotting the files down and tapping into your subconscious. Ouija selection. Allowing divinity to take the blame for your pictures, but acknowledging yourself for doing so. It either came from you, or you descended from it. Pick one or the other, if not the other.evolution-memeYou choose, you lose. Snooze. It’s a gamble, but God doesn’t play dice. You do. Like Cayce, everybody struggles with images in their heads, if not of them. If the picture isn’t right, there must be something wrong with it. It’s not your head even if it’s in your head. At extremes, you substitute silhouettes. Quit while you’re ahead to save face. Take pride in a lack of pride. You need something to fill the space pride used to. Agonize over gray matters. Your brain isn’t black and white.scumbagbrainslmYou’d think, given all the agony, Jesus still suffers for our sins, if not in light of them. Rolling in his grave, if not the die. “It’s no sweat off my back.” I think about how to visualize the Bible in my sleep. If only I could already do it! Then it’d be much easier. Even though I hadn’t read the Scriptures, Jesus didn’t until he did, either. No sweat. Speaking of liquids pooling at our feet, I imagine it will be difficult to walk on water, so to speak. It’s already hard to swim in it. I should sleep on it.

Technically, he levitated. In turn, the surface medium grows immaterial. Maybe I didn’t need to fall asleep. Instead, I might just dive right in. It would be equally miraculous if I did this, even though the act itself would not be. This gave me the confidence I needed. I’m walking on air, if not water. Play to your strengths. It’s like they say, the best defense is a good offense. And the best offense is a good defense. I would fall asleep by staying up.LOOK-AT-ALL-THE-SLEEP-I39M-NOT-GOING-TO-GET-meme-549

“You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need.”

356d9a5b5eb54eba98e1221024398f62mLike the Hulk on a bad job interview, my strength is my greatest weakness. After two or three days, I was ready to call it a night. But you don’t give up on sleep because you’re tired. Exhaust all options. That’s the best advice in any circumstance, under the circumstances. If nothing’s working, try everything. Tired, tried, and true. Why not just take an Ambien? “Two shots of Jäger. Tequila. Four bong hits, man. Beer. Cheeseburger.” Why not not? Why why not not? Stop.

I needed to be lucid enough to distinguish between dreams and hallucinations. This would fall somewhere in the middle. More importantly, I had to remember them. I had to remember to remember. That’s the hardest of all. “I was supposed to remember something…Damn it, I was supposed to remember this! Forget it.” Although remembering is metacognitive, prospective memory is just meta. You have to keep reminding yourself. It’s asking a lot, if not just a lot to ask.54108675This is an unconscious mechanism with fugitive over-under. It’s typically under your radar or over it. I’m over it. Do you get around it? I’m inclined to remember, at will, what I will. Often, it’s muscle memory. If prioritized enough, items bubble to the surface. Buoyancy. Mostly, however, these items are adjacent. This is why you write a note. It’s the crux of the grocery list industry. Yet there will always be a time when it’s on you. In the supermarket, for example, asking, “Why am I here?”clem“Jesus; just set an alarm, for God’s sake!” You can’t set one in your sleep. And if you set one beforehand, it will just wake you up. If you set one after, you’ll already be up. My memory isn’t in my hands. It is a godsend and a crapshoot. I would have to receive the Bible like Moses and the Decalogue. There’s another name for a band. In this case, it is just one command: remember. Then again, Moses wrote his down. But I’m not trying to be Moses. I don’t have an iPad.Apple-iPad-10-CommandmentsmBesides, there was no point in dressing up to improve my standing. Jesus is unbecoming for me. I look like an imposter, if not a trick or treater. How many think Elvis is one of his impersonators? You want to be like Mike, not Jordan himself. Anyway, I’d remember. I wouldn’t be able to convince myself I’m a Biblical figure. Not in this life. As for remembering my memory, you never know. There’s no telling, let alone telling yourself. Just keep telling yourself that.26233718People talk about how hard it is to remember dreams in real life, but have you ever tried remembering real life in your dreams? As a procrastinator, I am used to analyzing things after the fact. The closer I got to the Bible, the more I felt it. The weight of this work. I began to put it off, if not be put off by it. I had to find something that I would never get around to. I didn’t delay. Who was I to uncover the Book of Books?Ruth_Bader_Ginsburg_official_SCOTUS_portraitmThink about how many people never read a passage and dream about it. God only knows. Its secrets would remain hidden. Under cover. I found a book no one asks about. Not me. As a philosophy major, I figured I had a much better chance of divine intermission from Kierkegaard. A consummate celibate, he probably wasn’t doing anything. And, religious, he might give me a shot. I picked up Either/Or, Part 1. It had to be a book I wasn’t reading, such as The Seducer’s Diary.clcbrmIn this case, I figured it would be easier to conjure images of something I hadn’t read again. Only once. In procrastination, I would hide a vague sense of my target. I had a better chance of recognizing things I’d seen before. Anyone experienced in art knows it. You hear individuals in expertise mention doing things in their sleep. Have you ever actually tried? Artfully? It’s hard enough to read with the blinking. I’d rely on my other senses, just like Daredevil. If he was sleeping.f6dujAll the words on the page illuminated. I still don’t understand where light comes from if your eyes are closed. On one level, I understood the material. I knew what I was looking at. But then I tried to zoom in. If you actually look at what you’re seeing, the characters move around fuzzily. You can’t put your finger on them. As I became conscious of my vision, conscious mechanisms enacted. Effective nightmares entail passive resistance. You think and it happens.Can't_readmIf you try to make it happen in the way you would with an action figure, it fails. You become more conscious and, therefore, awake. What does any of this have to do with the title? Admittedly, this enterprise has been sidetracked. Yet tangential does not become irrelevant unless you make it so. As such, we will tie it to make a bow, if not together. Using this bow, however, everything is within reach. Kierkegaard gives me a shot. I aim high, if not for him.  14914_546853758661108_1716609313_nStarting small. Make magic in your mind before casting a polyamorous spell. Try multiple marriages in your nightmares. Either/or. The worst that could happen is you remember it doesn’t work and give up. Practice if you’re a preacher. Visualize the Bible. Even if magic is a dream, you can get it wrong. Or maybe you’re just slightly off. “Wingardium leviosa.” “Bend and snap.” I raise this anecdote from the dead in order to illustrate a point, to a point. Here is the point: .B868oL7CYAEqt1Zmkcawlm