I have one fear. It stirs my mornings like a grim spoon.

Every person is blessed with a number of anxieties. If I had to lie, however, saying I only had one, this would be it. Heights. Rhymes with frights. High hopes, tall people. And, by proxy, high heels. It’s the thing that gets me up every day, if it doesn’t keep me up at night. I crawl in bed knowing the risks. In a moment, but without a moment’s notice, I find myself floored. Lying on the ground, a Magikarp.d4cd5400d6eec3d5374b91f332169617How did I fall? It’s as though the ground elevated like a magic carpet. BAOR7YRCUAAL_dVI can’t remember the actual incident, but I know why. Memory loss landing on my elbow. Experience eluded, yet eventuated. Good thing I hadn’t woken prior to falling. I can only imagine. I’d put an arm and a leg out. All two feet. 9d824b69f2f93afa2b230343b155aa13c7a1d8f396a3e95629a43565aeb6a0bdI’m tempted to sleep, but I don’t want to do any more falling.hanging-from-ledge-nope-mb


EmperorPalpatineMy fists clutch holds like an indoor rock climber. If this was real, I’d be in trouble.

Instead, I close my eyes. Any luck, I’d be  philosoraptor-plastic-climbing-holdsasleep by getting in bed. I scale like nimble fish. Horny salmon. My chassis melds with the duvet like a carving. In relief, I squint on my origin. The floor is pretty far or looks as much. Glasses would clear that up. I’m atop a fabricated mountain, like the Aggro Crag or Winnifred the Woebegone. There’s a name for a rapper. “Aggro Craig.” Difficult, but doable. (How many people do you know who are like that?)image6250009_700bGiven exhaustion, I whistle sighs of relief. “Heigh Ho,” not so. “Wiggle,” Kwai. “While You Work It.” Considering my insomnia, I should be climbing in bed every night. Yet sleep is a slippery slope. Carefall. If it doesn’t come easily, go get it. A solid bed helps if it’s hard. A King’s Landing. Accessible, even if you never use it. Getting in bed is difficult enough with regular heels, but high heels? Nightmare.

It’s trying to ascend ridges with climbing shoes and must be doubly punishing in stilettos. You’d be better off using one as an ice axe. I’m sure patents pend. a3aa68640b43f95b30102ff6d3996299All the same, heels pick the Earth like ice skates.DSquared-skate-bootI don’t know why anyone does anything. Should I ask? “Don’t do it. Okay, do it.” Many items elude me. Specifically, the first or last thing about footwear. Instead of idiocy, I review. I’d rather be dumb investigating than by default. Isn’t the old college try ignorance despite education?notsurefreetimeWe’ll see. Only you can prevent forest fires. Stomp out in your camping wedges. “Hike!” I’m unclear why many do this. “Spike!” I can think of several reasons why not. “Try walking a mile in my shoes.” I did. A couple feet. BroBible has a guy suffering, so I didn’t feel too bad.

Insofar as heels aren’t my type, I’m not shelling bones. You’re only a few away from foot binding. Rambling all day must be miserable. Sole-crushing, if not soul-crushing.

I think everybody should wear sneakers all the time. What’s the point of owning something if you don’t use it? Nike-Dunk-Women-High-Heels-White-Red-fast-shipping_2That said, I have a particular view of mobility. Between first and 12th grade, I played sports. Exercising was all about condition for me. It worked against athleticism, because I’d get in shape and then wonder why I was still practicing. 0a5dac56608dc8534286934662af9994b3cdc67d6604f629bbdce3c39fdb416fAfter high school, I adopted a new ideology. Cataclysmic conditioning. In the event of a natural disaster, I would escape.

It was important how far I had to run to get out of town. “Let it never be said I died because I couldn’t do another pushup.” As such, high heels were impractical. Forget, for the moment, I don’t wear them in the first place. If I did, I would surely come in last place. As for everyone else, I can’t be slowed down by individuals who need to give themselves piggybacks after their feet get sore. Let alone ask me for one.Will-Smith-and-Margot-RobbieDancing is tricky. If you don’t know how, you can’t. Yet babies dance. Everybody’s got dancing shoes, even psychological ones. Ballroom heels. More hammertoe than hammertime. Maybe it isn’t a question of doing something so much as how you look while you do it. My study suggests enjoyment in heels has more to do with how they make you feel about yourself than how they feel. In truth, heels hurt. Your toes numb if you haven’t already gotten cold feet.17d5b9f097eb016259637d11c0aab48721cfa5222adceee9dfe2edc158f8f2abWear what you want, as long as you can stand it. I don’t know if you have feelings about things you can’t feel anymore. I have feels about heels and I hadn’t felt them until yesterday. Batman v Superman is out in 2016. I’m into comics. My ethical standards were built on them. As a kid, everything I did was an attempt to be drafted by the Power Rangers. I grew up on Super Friends, so I also lionized The Wonder Twins. Anybody exceptional, if not just exceptions.image-1My favorite is DC, though I’m universal. In addition, I just haven’t read equal Marvel. Egg and chicken. Justice, by Alex Ross, is a modern update of my old show, pitting Justice against the Legion of Doom. Justice DoomExcited by Dawn of Justice, anticipating ideological discord, I was all the more invested in Wonder Woman. Gal Gadot is solid. You comment on her svelte figure, yet Diana Prince wasn’t exactly ripped by Bruce Timm standards.

Rugged.CK1q9QKXAAA2A0-Instead, my problem lies in her outfit. What lies beneath. The apparel itself is built even if she isn’t.

Snyder appears to be drawing mythology from the Azzarello run, which is good. I’d opt for even more Xena. ln13sbI don’t mind skin. Nevertheless, the armor is a little scant. That’s not my issue. I’m sure Wonder Woman is capable in the bluff. It could use straps. Overall, overalls. Thankfully, no swimsuits. Heel. Let’s not get too excited. After examining, Wonder Woman seems equipped. Someone might actually fight in that.gal-vs-lynda2I’m not saying you should. You shouldn’t. Invulnerable entities worry less. They are concerned with wardrobe malfunction, not harm. Even Batman is kevlar-chic. Naturally, there is a limit. Warner Bros. unveiled the image of her ensemble. wonder-woman-boots-batman-vs-superman-12Platform boots? Unless you’re the Spice Girls, you can’t pull them off, though you probably should. I loved Sporty. She wore sneakers. And she had the best voice. “I Turn to You” is among the first dance tracks I heard.

Hex Hector won a Grammy for that remix. Anyway, Wonder Woman in wedge heels. Comics habitually display her elevated. Given a realistic air, however, it surprises. You’d expect disadvantage. Shorter tendons and weak ankles. I guess it’s hard to have weakness when you have no Achilles’ heel. Shorter individuals could benefit. Usage eliminates net gain. Everybody cancels out. Setbacks arise, however, when you take them off.the-true-effect-of-high-heels_51c226f8d1724Utility pain may wear down, but not off. High heels make you taller, but you’re never in good standing. I asked a girl, “Why heels?” Her response: “Sometimes us ladies want to look sexy.” I gather the intent is unspecific. Males, females, you. I suggested inquiry. Accept a heelstory of shoes: obviously, heels are connected to femininity. It’s cultural, not integral. At first, 9th century Persian cavalry riders wore high heels to hook into stirrups. They were safer.The-Vision-of-Saint-EustaceEventually, French nobility adopted heels as indication of stature. High and horses. Impracticality indicated you had nowhere to go as you couldn’t. After the French Revolution, the Enlightenment was in swing. Men renounced the superfluity of Marie Antoinette in Rococo.

Louis XIV:Louis-XIVshoesAttire was simpler as heels shortened. Heels imparted foolishness and impracticality although men originated them. 44ad2871-744b-4b70-8750-32d3dbaae900High heels reacquainted themselves in pornography of the 1800s.

Sex and the City prompted many to fetishize footwear. By then, heels had associated with power suits and authority. I think if everybody agreed to stop all at once, it would happen. For now, it’s chicken and egg. A game of chicken. On the other hand, I can see why everybody wants ruby slippers. dorothy memeIt would be one thing if heels had the power to take you home, but most are used going out or taken off on the way back. Some people say heels improve your posture.7d1db03ed60074dc3127731dd3a050a8123e3eb9bada00e71288eebbe057018cconvertible-high-heels-shut-up-and-take-my-moneyI think the right adjective is accentuate. They emphasize stereotypically feminine qualities. Legs look longer even as they dwindle. 44826108Academics have illustrated men and women find high heels attractive. More than flats. In any case, I observe heels and cringe. The plight of the heel is like a Greek tragedy. Specifically, The Iliad. Forget feminism for a second. Ergonomically wretched. Now remember feminism. “Don’t do it. Okay, do it.”e40a7b79a413302f338066fba5ea088fI’d never nix habits because of longstanding health impairments or daily discomfort. I don’t have to because I wear sneakers. Who knows what kinds of pressures facilitate the footwear? A podiatrist.

Podiasociologist Wonka:Condescending-Wonka-meme-high-heelsI hope enjoyment is unfettered by milieux, as opposed to some sort of military-industrial complexion. Abject iniquity. Gal Gadot is 5’9.” Ben Affleck is 6’4” and Henry Cavill is 6’1.” Heels even out the skyline, but not with flying colors. Mortals are grounded.Z2mrYQDTom Cruise is 5’7” in every movie. Then again, Tom Cruise isn’t Wonder Woman. If he was, they’d probably make him wear heels, too. In Jurassic World, Claire conspicuously runs in heels. tumblr_npz4mmUUfE1rsyxgco1_500Bryce Dallas Howard insisted. Although they never break, you’re worried. You want to support Claire as well as her shoes do. “Disavow the patriarchy!” “Run!” “You’re a martyr!” acaa0a802eb50bc40a7f067ffc237f60Unlike them, however, I break. Most of us do.

If everybody is going to wear uncomfortable kicks, you might as well enjoy them. Statistics illustrate a fondness for the body. High heels typify that. Assuredly, anyone can be a version of feminist yet abide by foot fetish. Heel worship is not decidedly misogynistic. You don’t have to buy every pair in order to prevent others from suffering. It’s okay to have attraction towards entities that sometimes feature them. oozm79dSave yourself the pain and enjoy them on other people.

You can still have a ball on your feet. Jurassic World is fun and Wonder Woman is fierce. Boots aren’t going to change that. If they do, just take one off and use it as a club, if not at one. Critics will never know what hit them. Aim it like a penalty, but give them the boot. Dawn of Justice looks sure-footed. I’m pumped and you might get a kick out of it. Many will cosplay. Long lines, if not leggings. Stand enough to see it through. Wonder Woman would be proud.7752c31aabec99866c128dc286491297b002c580d475c9760bd1ce6e82a66ce1